Paving the Way

families NZ DadsThe summer so far has treated me well. The juggling act of job/daughter/new relationship has settled into some kind of routine and I am sure my daughter is more excited about seeing my partner than she is me. That’s okay, I know how she feels.

The two of them met quite early on and they both get on really well. I have spent a fair bit of time with my partner and her son it seems we are okay too. He is a little older than my girl and is tight with his Mum so I was keen to not force any great changes, letting things happen at their own pace.

For most of the summer we have been doing things in threes; the two of us with one of the kids. It has been a good way for each of us to mesh into the relationships the other has with their child. A couple of weeks ago we decided to introduce them. They had met each other at mutual friends’ but this was our first adventure as a four. We had wanted as much certainty as possible about the two of us before we added children to the equation and I think it was the right way to do it. There is no blueprint but there is a little wisdom in ensuring at least a few things are in place before moving forward. It was a pretty casual occasion; meeting for burgers and fries one weekday after work but it was fun and hopefully nobody felt on trial. I think Mum and Dad were the most conscious of things, the two of them happily snacked on their meals and drew pictures in the books they had brought with them. Cautiously optimistic I would say.

The release of the new ‘Star Wars’ has helped a lot too. I am a total kid when it comes to those movies. Her son and I have had many a discussion about the film and all its plot conspiracies, basically mapping out how the rest of the trilogy is going to go. I took my daughter to see it just before Christmas and we need to give it at least one repreat screening so I can see the next four person mission coming up.

It is always a balancing act. I like the spinning plates metaphor; giving all aspects of my life little bits of attention, kind of a regular maintenance thing. My partner and I are both busy people but we find the same things important and that helps keep the plates up there. We both still need the one on one time with our children as well as with each other. We also have stuff we love to do for ourselves so I am still able to ride my skateboard and there is time for her yoga and painting. Things are happening at their own pace with gentle prompting from the two of us. Next phase stuff, maybe.

I remember too many annoying quotes but the following annoying oner seems about right:

‘Follow your heart but take your brain with you.’

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