Changes to Us

family NZ DadsSometimes I realise I don’t give my daughter enough credit for seeing things as they are. I have recently started seeing somebody and I was always looking for the right time to inform my daughter that there is someone else in my life. When I delicately told her that Dad was spending time with a lady and asked her how she felt about that her first question was, ‘Does she like coffee?’ She has recently started making coffee for me in the mornings and was wanting to know whether she needed to make coffee for two now. Priorities….

It so happens they get on really well and I don’t think that has anything to do with the coffee. We recently went out on our first excursion as the three of us. A parent herself, I enjoyed listening to them both chat away while I followed behind trying to keep tabs on the dog. There has always been a lot of warmth between them and I feel very lucky to have them both in my life.

We both have shared care arrangements in place which gives us a little time as just us and that is great too. Between that and working full time we make sure to take full advantage of any gaps in our schedules. The reality of shared care is time on your own and I am happy to have somebody to share that with as well as the child times. All of it is valuable and both being parents we also realise the importance of ‘getting it right’ with regards to our kids.

Children notice everything. Although they all react differently I really think they pick up more than we think they do. I have always been keen to wait until I was onto something serious before I introduced a significant other to my daughter. For both our sakes, I never wanted to compromise anything we had on account of meeting somebody. It has been top priority for my lady too and although we have met each other’s children we have yet to make a full meeting of the four of us. Equal parts caution and equal parts practical, we will all get together sometime soon when the schedules allow but it hasn’t been something we have wanted to rush into.

How is it going to go? Well, I am optimistic. We are letting things run their course while exercising caution, as well as having a lot of fun and enjoying what we have. It feels complementary to the rest of our lives and is another thing to share with my daughter. The ‘doing stuff together’ thing is still what runs us, and having a third to do the ‘stuff’ with only adds to the experience. I am also getting better at enjoying things just for me so I will continue with the giddy excitement that a new relationship brings as well. Some things you never grow out of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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